I’ll have the baby soon and you won’t have to worry about me taking your prized real estate. You’re young, able-bodied and a master of Candy Crush. I know you’re tired. I get it. We’re all tired. New York City is an exhausting place to live. Especially for the young - so many bars, grad programs, and gyms to participate in.
Pregnancy is irrelevant to you. It’s for either A) boring, professional couples or B) young, out-of-control types. You’re neither of those things, I know! Your star is rising! You’re so close to getting that promotion, landing your first show, signing with a manager, scoring that first commission. You can do it! I believe in you! What a great city to be in when you’re young. So many opportunities, the food is phenomenal, the nightlife unreal, so many attractive people. Godspeed you young, hungry warrior!
All I ask is that you give me your seat on the subway. My blood pressure just plummeted, I’m seeing stars and breathing is difficult. Oh, and the baby could explode out of my loins at any moment. If you watch my stomach, you can actually see my ready-to-birth child pushing and pulling. It will freak you out. I no longer have a belly button and my sleep is endlessly interrupted by leg cramps and constant urination. Basically, I’m tired. Like, really tired. Not out all night drunkenly shouting out the cab window tired, more like I don’t know how much longer I can walk in this desert looking for water before I die tired.
In conclusion: You’re awesome! Now get the fuck up and let me sit down.